Useful Phrases When Traveling in Japan

A friend of mine, Jeremy, leaves for a two week vacation in Japan tomorrow morning. Another friend of ours works for the Japanese embassy in Chicago. He provided Jeremy this handy phrase guide.

• I don't speak Japanese = Nihongo wakarimasen
• Where is <...>? = <...> ga doko desu ka? (the "u" in desu is usually silent, so it's pronounced "dess")
• Excuse me = Sumimasen
• Thank you = Arigato (gozaimasu)
• I'm Slanted* = Slanted desu
• One more beer please = Biru mo hitotsu kudasai
• Japanese person! = Nihonjin!
• How much? = Ikura desu ka?
• What time is it? = Nan-ji desu ka?
• I am American, gaze upon my giant penis! = Ore wa Amerika-jin da, ore no kyokon wo mitsumero!
• Your mother is smegma = Yaro no kaa-chan wa chinkasu da yo!
• Excuse me, do you have any porn where the woman isn't crying? = Sumimasen, onna ga nakanai no buru firumu ga arimasu ka?

*Slanted is an online pseudonym that Jeremy uses.